Life, Now.

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photo by: erica garlieb with my best friend in the world

I owe you all an explanation. It has been nearly a solid month since I blogged consistently. Truthfully, you guys are my friends, my readers, the people I feel most comfortable speaking candidly to and sharing myself with, and yet in the last month of uncertainty I pulled away. Allow me to explain.

Have you ever felt like everything in your life was inconsistent? Like you had no comfort, no continuity, and it paralyzed you? That is precisely how i’ve been feeling for quite some time now. In the last 75 days my whole world has shifted. Albeit for the better, I have moved apartments (into a gorgeous one, I might add), gotten a new roommate (whom i’m obsessed with), changed jobs (that has been more fulfilling than I could ever imagine), and ended a 4 year relationship that spanned my most formative years. Nothing has felt safe or comforting. I wake up somewhere that still doesn’t feel like home, walk a neighborhood that doesn’t feel like mine, and come home from a new office each day. Blogging was always my comfort. It was where I was able to express myself, dance around in front of a camera and show my true colors. But in the last few months it has felt scary. It has reminded me of a time that feels like so long ago. It felt exhausting, draining, like too much.

Frankly, the thought of sitting down and sharing myself with you guys when I felt so unstable was not something I could stand. Until now. I finally feel like I am under control, and i’ve accepted that while everything in my life changed at exactly the same time, that isn’t a bad thing. I’m strong, I can handle the change, and am very fortunate that every one was only for the better.

So, in short, i’m back! I don’t know what schedule I will be keeping just yet but I hope you’ll stick around for the ride. Thank you for all of your kind words, your emails/tweets/comments have meant so much.

My 24th Year

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Do you ever think back to years in your life that were tough? A lot happened, there were a ton of changes, and you’re left invigorated to be a year older and wiser? That’s pretty much where i’m sitting right at this very moment. Sunday is my 24th birthday, and I couldn’t be more ready to enter into a new year. For me, birthdays mark more transition than a new calendar year. It’s a time to evaluate what you have accomplished the last 12 months, what you hope to change, and to appreciate the opportunity for the months to come.

My beautiful friend Erica was kind enough to style and shoot some birthday pictures to mark this special time. We bought a few balloons, some cupcakes, and galavanted through the Presidio, just documenting. It was magical and I couldn’t be more grateful to have these pictures. Images that show exactly how i’m feeling at this moment, in this age: happy, peaceful, grateful.

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Ten Little Known Facts

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Photo from Greece – 2010

I often receive emails from readers asking me details about my life: where I shop, what I like, and tidbits about my personality in the hopes of getting to know me better. I’m all about transparency and think that this blog benefits from me being real, so here are 10 little known facts about me ranging from completely insignificant to deeply personal. Please let me know if you enjoy these types of posts, as I enjoy writing them.

1. I feel physically uncomfortable when my nails aren’t painted

2. I hope to own property before i’m 30

3. I’m currently 23 years old (24 on May 4th!) but people are often surprised when I tell them that. The way I carry myself feels older, I guess.

4. My current job brings me more satisfaction than I ever thought possible

5. I want to be good at decorating my own home, I really do. But for some reason I don’t have that strong of a home decor muscle. But i’m workin’ on it!

6. I would love it if I wore “flattering” sleepwear to bed. In reality I end up in men’s sweats and oversized t’s

7. I speak with my parents every. single. day

8. I am fluent in both english and spanish

9. I’m half Mexican, but you would never know

10. My greatest hope in life is to have an everlasting love

Eating Habits

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Image via my Instagram: @thepearshape

Last week I did a post about my exercise routine. It was probably one of the hardest posts for me to write. I know people have their opinions about bodies and the appropriate amount of exercise each person needs, but I was seriously afraid of getting some negative emails as a result of being so open. Much to my pleasant surprise, you all were so incredibly supportive and even shared with me your own exercise routines. Thank you!

As a sequel to that post, I want to dive even deeper into “posts i’m seriously afraid to write” and talk about my eating habits. I’m partially terrified because my mom and dad will probably read this and get offended (seriously, sorry parents) but I want to portray my childhood accurately, so you can get a full picture of how and why I eat the way that I do now.

When I was growing up there was always an abundance of junk food. Oreos, cheese itz, poptarts, you name it. My dad had a sweet tooth and loved nothing more than chips before bed and we were a latin, jewish family of eaters. My mom (bless her) tried to get us to eat healthily and we would periodically have “health kicks” but nothing ever really stuck. It wasn’t until I was old enough to make choices and realize the kinds of foods I should eat, that I did so.

Going to college was hard. Unlimited food and endless meal cards meant that I could eat what I wanted. As I said in my exercise post, I also started working out more, so I didn’t gain a ton of weight. Soon after my freshman year I really learned what made me feel good, and I became nearly vegetarian, and watched what I ate. Greens tasted good and felt good, so I ate them.

Fast forward to my senior year of college and I decided I wanted to drop a few pounds. Exercising wasn’t cutting it and my eating habits weren’t contributing enough. I decided to go on Medifast (if anyone has tried every fad diet out there, this is a popular one). Long story short, I dropped 25 pounds in 6 months. It was amazing, it reset my portion control and I was happy. Slowly but surely, however, the weight started coming back. Why? No fad diet is sustainable. It took me trying one, succeeding and then failing to learn that sad reality.

Coming off of the Medifast kick, I started to truly evaluate my relationship with food. At my core i’m a healthy eater. I don’t feel great when I eat junk so I typically don’t. Of course I have my late night pizza moments and my cookie indulgences, but as a whole I eat lean meats (if any), lots of veggies and crap loads of fruit. I enjoy a colorful diet and love the strive to eat well.

What i’ve learned over time is not to beat myself up about food. If I want the cookie, I should eat the cookie. I know myself well enough to know it won’t turn into 5 cookies, and that it won’t happen every day. I’ve learned that life is short, and food is good. I don’t want to be that person that “doesn’t eat carbs or dairy or sugar” and can’t enjoy simple pleasures. I travel, I eat when I travel, I try things. I have a healthy relationship with food and do the best that I possibly can, within the life that I want to live.

I know this wasn’t a “here is what I eat in a day” type post, but I felt like explaining my eating habits as a whole is a big contributor in how I have confidence. Coming to terms with the way that I look was a big step in then coming to terms with how I eat. One impacts the other and I want to have a healthy relationship with myself all around.

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