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Where I’ve Been, and Thoughts of Gratitude

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Hello world!

This is my first time writing a post in nearly 2 years, and i’m terrified, excited, and hope you’re all eager to continue to join me on this journey.

I imagine everyone still following along is wondering where i’ve been. Well, since my last post i’ve: met a wonderful boy, moved in with him, had a scary medical experience (more on that below), gotten engaged and married. Phew! It’s been quite the 24 months.

I’d like to start out slow, putting one post in front of the other, seeing how I feel. This is a space i’ve loved for nearly five years, and i’m excited to be back to it, and to you.

But, before that, I want to share some words that I wrote just weeks after the most terrifying medical experience of my young life. Not to scare anyone or garner sympathy, but mostly because I want to remember my mindset and my thinking during that time. The words below are entirely unedited. They were composed during a time of recovery, when all I craved was to create. I never published these words or have shared them with anyone, until now.

I’m back ladies. Let’s do this.
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Date: May 29, 2015

Today, I felt the urge to create. To write, to publish, to share and to get my feelings out on paper. Mostly, I felt the strongest urge to come back to this space, to share with you where life has taken me in the last year.

The biggest change is the one i’m currently in. I write now from inside a home, on a Friday at 1030am. I write with a terrible headache, with a stomach full of nerves and fear in my heart. But all the while, a great fullness to be typing and breathing and living.
3 weeks ago I suffered an intracerebral hemorrhage. I woke up in the middle of the night with a head pain unlike any i’d ever experienced. My loving, caring boyfriend rushed me to the ER and life changed forever. I was immediately admitted to the hospital and so began weeks of pain, recovery, doctors and terror. As one that has never so much as suffered from a broken bone, this level of medical intervention was, to say the least, terrifying.
I sit now 2 weeks into recovery, out of the hospital. I am walking, I am talking, I am thinking, I am loving and I am breathing. For all of these things I am eternally grateful. I will work again, I will travel again, I will get my day-to-day life back again, in due time.
For that I am eternally grateful.
For this space, I am grateful.
For the ability to create, I am grateful.
For you, I am grateful.

This space has given me so much in the last 3 years. It’s a place that allows me to feel ownership over something, to share what I wish to share with the world, to grow a passion i’ve always had, to find people like me, to relate. Thank you for that, thank you for being here.

Gentle Souls Break My Heart Sandal

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Joules vest, J.Crew shirt, J.Crew Pixie pant, Louis Vuitton handbag, Ray-Ban sunglasses, Gentle Souls sandals

Victoria recommended these sandals a few weeks ago, and i’m a bit embarrassed to admit how quickly I clicked over to Zappos to scoop them up. Living in San Francisco I’m always in need of stylish walking shoes, and these fit the bill. The lace up detail provides a bit of extra support while the memory foam soul makes it feel like you’re walking on clouds. You need to own these.

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A Girls’ Weekend in Napa

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Wearing super old Forever 21 dress (similar here or here), Prada sunglasses, Sam Edelman sandals

This last weekend was one for the record books. Specifically, Saturday was one of the greatest days. A few girlfriends and I had been trying to plan a day trip out of the city for quite a while. Given that the two ladies i’d be traveling with worked in the wine industry, Napa felt more than appropriate. We left San Francisco at around 9am and made our way slowly through Bouchon bakery in Yountville, Olivier in St. Helena and Farmstead for lunch, into some of the most gorgeous wineries I had ever seen.

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We visited Swanson, Raymond and Chandon wineries and couldn’t help but snap a few pictures amidst the stunning vines.

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I have the most beautiful friends and it makes me so happy to capture their pure joy in photos.

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Cheers to many more girls’ weekends this Summer!

Life, Now.

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photo by: erica garlieb with my best friend in the world

I owe you all an explanation. It has been nearly a solid month since I blogged consistently. Truthfully, you guys are my friends, my readers, the people I feel most comfortable speaking candidly to and sharing myself with, and yet in the last month of uncertainty I pulled away. Allow me to explain.

Have you ever felt like everything in your life was inconsistent? Like you had no comfort, no continuity, and it paralyzed you? That is precisely how i’ve been feeling for quite some time now. In the last 75 days my whole world has shifted. Albeit for the better, I have moved apartments (into a gorgeous one, I might add), gotten a new roommate (whom i’m obsessed with), changed jobs (that has been more fulfilling than I could ever imagine), and ended a 4 year relationship that spanned my most formative years. Nothing has felt safe or comforting. I wake up somewhere that still doesn’t feel like home, walk a neighborhood that doesn’t feel like mine, and come home from a new office each day. Blogging was always my comfort. It was where I was able to express myself, dance around in front of a camera and show my true colors. But in the last few months it has felt scary. It has reminded me of a time that feels like so long ago. It felt exhausting, draining, like too much.

Frankly, the thought of sitting down and sharing myself with you guys when I felt so unstable was not something I could stand. Until now. I finally feel like I am under control, and i’ve accepted that while everything in my life changed at exactly the same time, that isn’t a bad thing. I’m strong, I can handle the change, and am very fortunate that every one was only for the better.

So, in short, i’m back! I don’t know what schedule I will be keeping just yet but I hope you’ll stick around for the ride. Thank you for all of your kind words, your emails/tweets/comments have meant so much.

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